“It’s all in your head!” is a phrase I heard one too many times. Looking back, I somewhat see where these people were coming from. I mean the symptoms I was experiencing were just all over the place-painful periods, severe bloating, chronic fatigue, irritable bowel syndrome, recurrent urinary tract infections, backaches, the list is quite long. I was constantly in pain. My period had turned into a monster. Rearing it’s head at every point of my cycle. It wasn’t really a cycle, the length kept changing every month. While most of my girlfriends bragged about being regular, I was as irregular as it got. Anywhere from 24-37 days. So much for being able to predict when I’d be rolling.
I saw several doctors but they weren’t quite sure what was wrong with me. In fact I became a regular at the clinics, the doctors could almost predict what I was going to complain about. They’d heard it all. There is something about hospital waiting rooms that makes you feel sicker than you actually are.
The most deflating moment is when the doc would say “I can’t seem to find anything wrong with you.” One even went ahead to add, “I think you are imagining the pain. It’s all in your head.” In addition to the swollen belly and physical pain, I left his office, with medicine he wasn’t sure I needed and dampened spirits. Most times I would just go home and cry. I was that girl crying in the lift, not because I had received a diagnosis, but because the professional was trying to make me believe that I had brought the pain upon myself. How I hoped I could just wish it away, or sleep and it would all be over.
My journey taught me to trust my inner voice. To keep searching for an answer; a diagnosis. To never give up on myself, even though others dismissed me. Tough times show us who we really are, we find reserves of strength we knew nothing about.
Have you been labelled a hypochondriac? Have you given up looking for a diagnosis?
In part 2 I will talk about the day I got vindicated; when I finally received a diagnosis. It was the beginning of a difficult chapter, but it was far much better than not knowing what was wrong with me.