I’ve been unwell the last couple of days. The levels of pain reminded me of an Endo flare and the memories all came flooding back.
Yestermorning, I read the story of the woman who hemorrhaged for twelve years and had spent all her money on physicians in Luke 8. They couldn’t find a cure.
43 A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding,[g] and she could find no cure. 44 Coming up behind Jesus, she touched the fringe of his robe. Immediately, the bleeding stopped.
45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
Everyone denied it, and Peter said, “Master, this whole crowd is pressing up against you.”
46 But Jesus said, “Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.” 47 When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him. The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed.48 “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”
This really reminded me of Endometriosis, and my heart just went out to all the women suffering from Endometriosis. The truth is that unless we too, figure out how to touch the hem of His garment all we are doing is simply trying to manage the condition. There is no known medical cure for Endometriosis.
After being sick for such a long time, you realize who your true friends are. Your life comes to a stand still. The vibrant life you once led now becomes a distant memory. As much as you would like to, you are not physically able to do everything you’d like to do. And it hurts. It hurts to watch a part of your life fade away. It’s sad when getting out of bed was the biggest achievement of the day.
The shame. The questions. The roller coaster of emotions. The question “You are STILL sick?” becomes a constant. The labels are disheartening. The despair. The dismay. The disappointment. The discouragement. All these other things that come with Endometriosis make it a very lonely journey. Not many people are able to understand the turmoil and pain that you experience. Not many people understand the desperation to get well. Often we see people do seemingly crazy things in the hope of getting better. What I’ve learned is that unless you walked in the person’s shoes, you are better off shelving your judgement. You don’t know their pain. I know that I too have had crazy thoughts; I have been desperate for the pain to end. In those moments I was willing to do almost anything to take the pain away.
Today I just want to encourage all women who feel like hope is lost, that you are not alone. As you lay in fetal position and cry your heart out, you are not alone. The Lord who knit you in your mother’s womb is right there. Do not stop pressing in, keep believing.
Sending you love and light,