The Diary Of A Kenyan Endo Warrior: It’s A Bloody Affair

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Dear Diary,

As a little girl, I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up. This dream quickly fizzled away where I was in high school because my periods happened, and little did I know, Endometriosis was looming.

Back in primary school, I looked forward to my menarche because it meant I was becoming a woman. Home science lessons on puberty were interesting and I even had a pad bag packed, just to be prepared for the big day.

When my period eventually came, I was taken aback. Here was the blood I had been waiting for, but it was a very different experienced from what I expected. On the first day, I excitedly told my mum it had come and she in turn broke the news to my dad. He barely looked up from his newspaper as she spoke, his reaction was a shrug as he mumbled something in the lines of ‘ahhh, okay’.

As much as I paid attention in class, that valuable information did not prepare me for the reality on the ground. Nope. Not at all. I didn’t know how it should feel, smell, or look. And so I thought that the pain was normal, I was convinced it was normal and I embraced the painful normal.

My periods robbed me of a part of my life. I missed out on school; on fun; on life.

It was a bloody affair. My periods were horrible, the sight of blood grossed me out, the smell repulsed me. Some days I thought I was dying because the flow was so heavy. One pad was not enough to hold the flow, so I learned how to wear more than one pad and use other reinforcements.  The clots, oh the clots, they freaked me out. Nobody told me that chunks of body tissue mixed with blood would come out of me. The first time I saw them I was so scared; after seeing them for a couple of months, I realized that they were my normal, my painful, unsightly normal. Soiling my sheets was a regular occurrence, I didn’t understand how one could sleep and wake up without having an accident. And I hated every part of it. Every. Single. Part. Of. It. Especially the pain and the blood. Because the blood came with sweat and tears. My periods left me drained, upset and bitter. I hated this bloody affair.

Love always,

Ess

 

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