The Diary of A Kenyan Endo Warrior: I. Am. Tired!

 

Sunset (8)

Dear Diary,

I doubt that it’s normal to wake up tired, spend the whole day tired and sleep tired. For so many years this was my normal. My first response to the question ‘how are you?’ was Tired. But there’s only so many times that you can answer tired, until the other person gets, well, tired, of hearing your response. That was the story of my life.

tired2

What I was more tired of, was being sick and in pain. Being sick is a draining process. It literally sucks out the life out of you, and the desire to live. When you have been in pain day after day, you want to cry. I vividly remember crying to God, praying that He would take the pain away. I was fed up of watching my life slip between my fingers. How badly I wanted to live life fully, but my body wouldn’t let me.

tired

It was more than just physical exhaustion; more like an all round exhaustion. When I found The Spoon Theory  by Christine Miserandino I was besides myself. Finally, someone had put into words what I had been struggling to say for a long time. Her description of Spoonies perfectly described me. “Spoonies are people that live with chronic illness; theoretically measuring personal daily abilities much as one would measure the proper amount of spoons needed for an event or occasion… sometimes having an abundance, other times coming up short.”

I was tired but I realized that I needed more grace,strength and spoons.

To the Spoonie struggling to express her exhaustion, you are not alone.

Blessings,

Ess

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