Reclaiming What Endo Stole From Me

Happy New Year Everybody!

I have this spring in my step after getting some much-needed rest and relaxation.

A few days before Christmas, I met up with a few Endo warriors and we talked, laughed, and loved being in a space where we could identify with each other. I have many thoughts on Endo, but the one that struck me during this meet is that Endo is  THIEF.

Endo is the kind of person who comes into your house and turns it upside down, a person who doesn’t respect boundaries and wants to leave a mark on every part of your life. The one who drives you up the wall and then has the nerve to ask what the matter is. The biggest naysayer, the one who makes you doubt yourself, your abilities and your dreams.  Endo is like a rat that bites your toe as it blows, then one day it turns into a vicious animal and eats up your whole foot. Endo is a sneaky thief that deserves to be lynched in public, in other words, we need a cure.

“What has Endo stolen from you?”I asked the ladies.

When it was my turn to speak, I shuddered at the thought. Over ten years ago, I loved to hike, in fact, the revolutionary period where Endo reared its ugly head was on Mount Kenya. I had this dream to climb Mount Kilimanjaro and participate in other exciting adventures. These dreams and desires died a natural death, endo has a way of suffocating the life out of dreams. When flare-ups, chronic fatigue, and emergency visits are the things that you think about often, you forget that your heart can beat for anything else other than survival.

 

Endo stole a part of my life and I even forgot about it. After the meeting, I was determined to reclaim what Endo stole from me. Over Christmas, I had a chance to walk along Lake Elementaita, it was beautiful and humbling. It was my first walk clad in sneakers in 11 years. I didn’t feel the weight of my daughter on my back, I felt liberated and restored. If my sneakers could talk, they would tell a tale, one filled with adventure.

 

I’m writing down a list of the things that Endo stole from me and reclaiming them one by one.

Here’s to rediscovering ourselves post-endo, pursuing adventure and dreams coming true in 2018.

Happy New Year!

 

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Heartbroken

Pain is a powerful thing. It roars and gnaws at you. As it increases, it overpowers you, and as you lay in the depths of despair, you are at crossroads. One side of you wants to fight, and another wants to give up and drift off to a happy place. A place void of suffering, discomfort and anguish.

Warrior is a term used to describe a brave or experienced fighter. Women living with Endometriosis are warriors. They fight invisible battles every day. They paddle like ducks, trying to stay afloat in a sea of despair. They dabble between wanting to stay in bed, all day, every day, and trying to live in purpose. They give themselves endless pep talks and flood their pillows with tears when they get overwhelmed. They pop pills like popcorn, and struggle with pain and symptoms unspoken.

They fight. Most times they win. But, sometimes they lose.

When you are living with chronic pain feeling alone is the order of the day. It is difficult to find someone who gets you. When you do, you cling to them like an infant monkey hangs on her mama. Thanks to the internet, there is a strong and growing endo community out there. The pain of Endometriosis has brought women from different backgrounds together. As you interact with other warriors you realize that you are not alone. Sometimes you wail like a baby when you read their stories. Overall, you connect with women you’d otherwise never have met, and you love. Oh, you love them.

The Endo community is heartbroken. This week we lost an endo-warrior, Allison Kimberly. A beautiful endo warrior who didn’t get the treatment she needed when she went to the hospital.

We Are Heartbroken

Our hearts are broken. We’ve lost one of our own. We are hurting. We are vulnerable and we need many things. We need our loved ones to believe us. We need our medical care service providers to help us when we say that we are in pain. We need to hear that we matter. We need a cure.

Even a warrior gets exhausted. Some days it’s harder to paddle. Some days it’s harder to smile. Some days we just need a break.

Today, I am saying a prayer for all Endo-warriors who are in pain- physical and emotional pain – that you may experience God’s peace, and healing. If you need someone to talk to, please send me an email via yellowendoflower@gmail.com.

May Allison’s soul rest in eternal peace.

Again we ask: please believe us and please help us.